So in the first grade there was this girl she was a model but only in Sunday paper circulars and there was some odd friendship supervening on parental friendship which involved the exchange of "farmfresh" brown eggs now seeming much less a novelty and the odd construction out of cornflakes boxes of paper effigies of myself left on doorsteps and other such foolery leading up to my declaration clearly having channeled too much of the Archie comics that I had a crush on said girl but feeling forced to backtrack when questioned closely on this count by my teacher saying, "No, I meant that I would crush her bones to make my bread."