So i am still feeling a little queasy--it's been an unhappy day, another low where the wind just gets taken out of my sails, and I'm wondering to what extent that's just because I'm trying to find a new diet of rye bread and sardines which probably is what left me so queasy to begin with, even skipping kendo, though at least enjoying Wifey's company this evening. Tomorrow there'll be no skipping, though, or something--

I just don't feel like this job right now in the least--it's underappreciation more than anything else--

So it was like a strange season finale, this going down to see my parents and my brother on his class day, though I missed most of the good material, I'm told. The strange moments include my parents paying for a restaurant meal (though not knowing what to do with the slips or the book-thingie) and my dad breaking out crying over his near-quarter-century of cruelty toward me. Or something. I also met the cousins, including the one a decade older than us who was disowned for going with some Indian girl, but who's since come to his senses, moved home, and is dating and about to wed a white woman. Go cousin! Ummmm, yeah...

But the best moments were during the departmental graduation ceremony during which the departmental valedictorian who happens to be Asian had the following said of him, "When he was a freshman, we called him Ho. And he came to me an announced, 'I want to be called "Anderson"' but I continued to call him 'Ho' because I liked it better. But when he got the highest score on all of his tests, he earned the name 'Anderson'." That, and when my dad started crying on the platform, my mom said to him, "Don't cry in front of the black people."

So I can now confess that I have gone and seen Episode III, twice no less, the first my matinee attempt at dodging, but this second time with Rob Chin because it was the right hing to do... It's only the more ridicluous and the audience, not being so ELL, actually laughed a good deal more at the scenes with Natalie, all of them--and to imagine she once laughed at my Fair Division prowess.

I'm much tired of the comparisons between lightsaber and kendo. I mean, Palps is evil and you know it because he loves tsuki, Anakin also goes a little crazy with his kote, but the footwork is just atrocious most of the time, and it's not kendo if there's no monouchi.

So I swear I have excuses for every entry I've missed--really--I don't even recall when I last blogged, but Saturday I'd skipped practice to get really wasted with my brother, who's in town for the last time, more or less, that he'll be in the city unless he ends up coming to stay with me for a fucking week--I don't have the schedule for that shit, but it was a great afternoon 4-beer drunk before the heavens opened up in rain--I feel as if I've blogged this before, somehow--

Sunday was nappery and back-to-work saddery, and then after that it was a monday set of madness with Rob Chin who dragged his chinky ass out to Queens to watch the end of 24 amid way too much excess beer and donner, a throbbing drunk and early passout. Last night then was the first practice in which I felt like I could keep on going even after time was called, scoring a men off Sensei which he even complimented, before rendezvousing with the Wifey at the GC. So I don't know if those quite qualify as excuses somehow.

"I won't die in childbirth! I promise you." "No. I promise you."

So I've missed a number of days since I've posted, and in that time I've had my review which was not as nice as it could have been--although they were all rather happy with my plan to topple Algebra, there was no real talk about truly alternative pedagogy or anythng like that--it was just more of the same, and I was more interested in self-preservation than proselytizing. More of the latter is necessary.

Since then, I've been tired--tired in the way of relief after an ordeal--when all the air goes out of your balloon, and in which I've just been sleeping like there's no tomorrow, sluggish at work, and none too eager to go back--these projects have worn me out.

Today, at least, was nicer than the last two schooldays of sleepwalking and half-assed teaching, including a benches-clearing ethnic war Thursday. The brother was in town and up to not very much good, and we ended up doing the usual shopping tour before ending up at kenka with rob chin at 6 and me drunk and at home with wifey by nine. Four beers to the wind, and the heavens opening up with rain--not a bad way to waste a Saturday.

So my zekken finally came in today, which is the closest I can get to 8-month anniversary. Too bad I sucked in jigeiko and was going forward about as well as Bush's Social Security plan. The kanji font is nice and cursivey but feels a little small, I think.

Today I was administering the NYSESLAT speaking section without even a spoon full of sugar. It was hard not to crack up when students were supposed to respond to prompts such as "Your phone is ringing" "Thank you." "Did you get a haircut?" "No." "I'm sorry, I picked up your book by mistake." "You can have it." "What are your plans after graduation?" "Going to party." Sigh. I forget how overqualified I am sometimes.

So calmingly, yesterday I walked from my place to Wifey's, which was nice and seasonable, as it's been a long time since I've made that whole walk thing.

Embarassingly today, I unpacked my bookbag I'd been carrying around all the time, and which I'd left and work for a while, when I found a fifth of Jim Beam which I took from Alric's. Not something which the gay former alcoholic English teacher would appreciate.

Today was one of those great whirlwind days, in which I had an extended breakfast meeting, interdisciplinary curriculum planning, a lesson plan on the Little Red Book, yet more grading, double-barrel mentoring, revisionist thought, running around, grading, and yet more curriculum planning and mapping. Beyond that there was also a classroom visit from an old friend who may well be coming to the school, if all goes well with the hiring and whatnot.

Beyond that, there is little more for me to say about the school stuff this week, as there will be full dish after the entire peer-eval thingie.

Meanwhile, 24, despite the departure of the Chinese for an entire episode, has gotten sublimely good, from Tony's reconciliation-just-in-time-for-capture-by-Mandy, to all sorts of not-so-subtle product placement for President Haysbert, to a scruffy gay hipster whose dalliances ("I was with the guy, dad. She must have made the call...") are a national security risk. No wonder the evil Islamic terrorists win--all the Americans are doing are impotently protesting parental global hegemonic capitalist imperialism and having narcissistic sex with mercenaries. It's been a bad day for the Hellers.

So it's troubling that (a) I'm watching a Voyager rerun from years ago, (b) Harry Kim dies on a phase-alternate-ship, but the crew doesn't seem very disturbed, (c) Janeway and photo-double-Janeway have got some serious lesbian heat going on.

Aside from that, it's just one those bide-my-time blanks in time...

So it's scary to think of the hidden politics at work, the letdown that one can only feel after one has been asked to leave, twice, and in which the entire voted-off the island business becomes far too real--the alliances and the partial-conversations somewhat overheard, the departmental divisions and continued politicking which is thoroughly unproductive, while at the same time the other teachers from other schools end up trying to fucking tell me, to fucking tell me what the fuck standard form of a linear equation is. The gall!

Ax+By=C, not both A and B=0.

But it's still worth it, even if I'm isolated and all that--it turns out that my old ally probably won't be able to get hired what with his going away in October and all. So this makes the search much more difficult--I may still be alone and without genuine allies for quite some time--I don't understand teachers who have so little self-respect that they consent to handing out photocopies from texts day after day. I dunno--these cut and paste hack jobs that are syntactic nonsense.

So there is only time tonight for a brief brief comment about the stress that was today, the lack of a free lunch at all, despite the best intentions of the other schools, and just wondering targetedly re: my comparative work with others while trying my best to write up a self-criticism verdict on my school year this far. It's a good thing I'm not too too steeped in all those old Red Chinese ways, seeing's how that would just be uncomfortable to say the least.... No, it's just shame I was so tired (frowning at myself and looking ten years older in the scratchittied plastiglass on the subway ride home) that I had to skip Kendo today. Tourney is going to suck...

So these are big days for me as there are all sorts of visitors flowing through my classroom these days, which is rather scary as there are still many things that I do not do right after nearly three years, namely I am a slob and I leave my socks and other things all over the place, awash in papers and other matter--but then again, as neck-and-neck as I am in keeping up to date with my sisterblogs, in thinking about the curriculum which others will be able to bring, I can only shudder to think how little the other teachers are doing--I have enough pride at least to refuse to copy anything from a textbook that I could do a better job of writing up myself. Maybe it's the marxist in me, but I just love handouts. Giving them, at least--and it's easy in this season of peer and self evaluation to question myself, but this is really my calling, my shtick--it's just that I need a few weeks off to reinvigorate.

It all comes down to getting enough sleep. Getting up early is not the same as getting up smart, somehow, and ready enough to work, not just wake.

So it's good to be a blograce with my sisters to see who's the most up-to-date. Better than the dormancy of before.

Today's practice was killer, though not as bad as last week, but the heat was so much more, and so I was just out of gas with miles to go, and got terribly sloppy and ended up just standing around, doing very little of anything, in that chest-tight tired and arms-tense constriction. But it feels good and is thoroughly worth it--this sort of development will only get better as my work winds down slowly--two more weeks, and it's home home free. But I need to get further in shape beyond the basics--general cardio is what I need the most though strength training would also help with the laddies...

I'm too old for this.

So I'm glad that today is over and now there're all the fewer days before the big one and so forth--little to say these days, really--just the usual Monday routine soon to be disrupted as the school year ends and another season of 24 draws to a close--I really should track down season 3 and get caught up--in the meantime, I am running out of excuses for not amping up my exercise regimen as the school year winds down--it's just a matter of staying healthy despite Wifey's persistent minor snotty illnesses which he's still recovering from...

Meanwhile, I suppose it's good that all my sister blogs here are active again after a too-long absense. Now I just need to get the old novel back into the mix, somehow--I've got more ambition than time once more, and it'll soon begin to gnaw at me again--or maybe it's this hunger inside me even as I try to cut back on my intake, but what I really need is a return to the old lifting regimen, which is far too difficult when all you want to do after watching Errol Morris' slow softball pitches at/for Robert McNamara (can this prick stop talking about money?) and this bullshit Fog of War. I was rolling my eyes all the way through and snickering at the more nonsense moments--what is one to do about the humdrum way in which the white excuse themselves for everything?

So I must admit I was watching the beginning of this week's episode of 24, and at the beginning with the wonderful mandarin scenes at the Chinese consulate, I was like, "Oh, wait, they didn't kill the consul after all! He's right there!" But it was actually his security chief. Oops.

So all's I gots to say is that my new favorite actress is Mary Jane Rajskub. She rocks.

So there's really very little to say about this entire weekend, as so little happened--yesterday I didn't even manage to leave the house, which was fine as it just meant plenty of coziness with Wifey, but also no kendo which bodes not well generally, and today at least felt somewhat better--the main issue is the unfinished grading which I will need to zip through tomorrow, somehow. Just over a month left of classes, but it feels like much longer, and again I'm to the point where I have got a big picture as to what's going on, but no idea what I can possibly teach tomorrow.

Currently I'm in the business of shopping for more kendogear again. This windowgazing is great fun, and feels like the best type of consumerism imaginable--I should total up and try and keep a grip on all this, though--it's in lieu of a laptop, after all...

Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure on an appropriate ring for Wifey. Suggestions appreciated...

So I was supposed to go to work and be productive and all that, but of course it didn't quite happen, and neither did practice tonight--I shudder to think about the state of my kata these days, and this probably doesn't help my overall progress as we move more and more away from May and toward June, which still isn't fast enough for most things, I fear...

It's just pretty hard to actually resist Wifey when he's all sleepy and congested... these weekends, though, will unfortunately require me to get up early on Saturdays again... I dont' know how much more of that I'll be able to take, in the long run...

So I lost my voice at some point between last night and today which made class both frustrating and throaty in what is usually a most joyous lesson. So much so that I decided once again to skip kendo today, mostly to rest my throat, as kendo sans kiai is hardly kendo....

I must admit that I did see most of last night's double entrendre-laden 'expose':

there are such lines as: "... he got a secret pipeline to the show..." "can you tell us about the layout of the interior of paula's.... house?"

So I could get cut off at any time by Wifey, but it's a small lull in my May before the next major run of hurdles which are popping up soon.

There is yet hope in comics, somehow--I've been reading New Frontier which is great for the most part despite some bright-eyed naivete about the sixties. But there's also Deadworld which has none of the grayscale but even more energy than Walking Dead. Now there's a genre I can salivate over... I'm more looking forward to Land of the Dead than most anything else this summer.

But I do feel reenergized today despite substantial additional burdens and this is mostly because I actually let myself sleep in today under the unheard-of hour of 0730 after passing rather early last night after a shinai men-kicking. And it feels good to be so rested, despite my sporadic scratchiness of throat.

So I am pooped but I'm glad I went--I'm usually tired by the end of practice, but it's a generalized, head-tight sort of tired, but today was the sort of bad-posture back-hurts out-of-breath chest-tight, back-of-head-throbbing tired, worse probably than when I first starting wearing men. This is the product of having missed all but one class a week for two weeks. Consistency does count for a lot, but it probably didn't help that I couldn't sleep until almost 3am last night, for no better reason than my persistent half-sickness, and I was lulled to sleep only by reading some complex analysis, I'm ashamed to say--so much close and familiar, but so far from what it needs to be, and from my mathematical youth. I've probably retold this story before--I roll into my last final with two minutes to spare before the uniform admission deadline and then I scritch and scratch away the test with my feather dip pen and my best acrylic ink. Ah, for my days as a demi-warrior-king of mathematics.

So I'm a little peeved seeing's how I skipped two kendo practices at least in order to finish this paper for early submission for peer reading this Wednesday with a putative due date of yesterday, but of course the other students who were supposed to submit still have not, which means that not only was my product rushed, but my kendo all the rustier going into the high-stakes month of June.



So how many flips does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

At least four. Two flips at a right angle to each other make a half-turn.



Going back to school is rather difficult, especially since both Wifey and I have had something of a sorey throaty ever since our Mexican food last night, which is only now getting better due to swallowing painkillers like Michael Jackson kirka 1998. But it felt better after a while, and I'm feeling rather competent, even if it's still rather wild... But that's ok... After getting my mitts on this issue of math magazine, which I never read in college, I now want to submit a number of articles for publication... It's an exciting challenge for the summer, I think...

Asianboi update is late--I had thought of it on the 28th, but decided to wait until my reunion with Alric the 29th, and now look--

Alric is still trying his best to enjoy his rock, or walk, or anything.

Brother is still waiting.

Lostin is still missing in action.

Rob Chin is still mildly violent.

Rob Chin's sister's sorta-boyfriend-person is finally Asian.

Wifey still is trying to clear up pores which don't even exist. He still tries.

So it's come to this--this will be a perpetual Spring Break, if only in that I cannot imagine a time when I won't have one sort of Spring Break or another, at this rate--this is not so bad, I suppose, especially since my primary summer concern has been to book as many weeks as possible, which looks like it's pretty much going to happen anyway as it is--between a not-so-cherry internship and various conferences and other learning opportunities I should be well-paid and occupied for most of the summer. So that's not the worry as much as this new month, a sweeps month in which I will have too many people tuning in for my tastes.