So I'm told the days of this internet account may be numbered, and Joephet's iBook has died, so it's hard to say what that will mean for blogging, though I guess I will have access at Brooklyn.

It's been a restful day, of an Apple Store and Chinatown expedition and not much else. Most of my preparations for the new semester were completed yesterday, a long day at work, and so I'm on pace, short of some final office-supply shopping tomorrow. I've arranged my desk backstage style, with taped-out areas for my various office supplies, the right level of ghetto-organized.

Ah, well. Beyond that very little to report, though I'm glad to say I'm reading again, even if it's Patricia Williams.

So I been pretty horribly inconsistent, but yesterday was somewhat of a lost day that might have been better spent at school, though I suppose I did get to spend many more daytime hours with Joephet than usual, though of course I do need to be much nicer to him. It was a little jarring though, to dine with his cousin and her friend--college suddenly and again seems so damn young. Of course, it doesn't help that John Blum visited me today at school, in town for an interview for the Fellows program. Well, at least his hair has grown. I really don't quite know about the rest of him, but maybe he'll be OK--I just don't remember ever being so openly calculating with quite his concerns, but who knows--maybe I'm just all jaded and self-righteous.

So it's a snow day tomorrow, it seems, so hopefully I will be able to snuggle all day with Joephet. Today was mostly bootless grading and planning, though I'm doing my share of cleaning and decorating, and conferences and way too many women--all the men in the room gay, absent and blase, buffoonish or me. But I managed to wander my way home and knocked off some Metal Gear Solid before packing up the balance of Lone Wolf and Cub and schlepping over to Joephet's.

So Rob Chin says he wants to take Kendo with me. Cool, but gay.

So it's sad to discover as you're cleaning up in order to possibly show your apartment to new roommates you might soon need to find that you have two CD year-end earnings reports, but from the past two years, all right on the surface, somehow. So it's a bit of a mess, but I've got at least the right infrastructure.

Today's been not much beyond programming students for the next term, though I left Joephet's late (going back to fetch the bag lunch Joephet snuck out of bed to pack this morning) and showed up with a minute to spare, with tons of energy, making giant green construction paper letters. So it's not been at all remarkable, and I wandered home early to play with the PS2 and watch TV while tidying up. But given that basically all my students will be new to me next semester, I have plenty of hope.

So my weekends have settled into the same routine--mostly of trying to get Joephet out of bed for several hours, and failing at that until late afternoon, whereupon there is eating and then not much else--I can feel myself reading less, and thinking less, reduced to a few appetites and dreads. Whcih is not to say that it's not cute, at times: the other night, as we were waiting for the Chinese Japanese deliveryman, I was surprised to see a shirtless Joephet go to answer the door, as he'd been wearing a shirt all before then: but that's the sort of flirting whcih Joephet engages in, I'm afraid.

Not much to report beyond some pleasant wandering in unpleasant cold up and down Steinway in search of cheapery, and little else accomplished, beyond dinner with Kenneth and Joephet--they seemed to get along rather well, even though Joephet probably should not have touched Kenneth's pec, just like that.

So my blogging routine has continued to be susceptible to derailment by outside distrac tions, though in the case of last night I was just playing videogames for essentially the whole time I was home, leaving me no time to 'll be the same structural B.S. and absuve relationship between administration and teachers, and a lack of any real vision of what we are trying to even accompoblog. And that was pretty foolish, I suppose. I've also lost any hold of a textual flavor--as if I don't read anymore... But maybe I just lack a language for raving about things emotionally while saying nothing of content. I won't get more specific than that, but my beef is specific.

Today the semester ended amid way too much chaos and screaming in the halls: I had a minor lame party in each class, and tried to ignore the hallway chaos, this after a day when the false fire alarms would not stop coming. so now I am free--the semester is over and I have no real carryover obligations, but I dont really feel that lib erated, as I know that though I will try to change things, there will be the same structural BS, the ssame antagonistic and unhelpful relationship between admins and staff, and the same lack of vision as to what this school is supposed to accomplish. After some meetings with the tenth grade staff, I see a long week of bitchy infighting next week. And from dropped hints, there is another gay teacher on staff, unless he happens to like lower Manhattan for historical value and was referring to his business partner, the latter actually a misconception under which Lex once labored about an obvioius professor of ours. And so I'm just left facing a new semester of mostly new students in which I will try to actually be more into my job, as opposed to the way I've been getting away with cutting corners this past semester.

So I trekked out the Grad Center in hopes of doing a little roommate shopping, but I've realized too late that they have Yahoomail blocked because of some problem with cookies. And so I will hafta go home emptyhanded and maybe swing by Joephet's later tonight, or else use Errol's dialup connection from AOL.

Some happenstances: yesterday our landlord in talking to me about our prodigal roommate repeatedly referred to how he, unlike the other two of us, was not "straight"--I had to crack a small smile at least, at that.

Today, a student asked our curmudgeony [sic] Caribbean special ed teacher whether or not she would ever marry me. I was wondering what she would say to defuse this situation in her sassy accent, expecting that she might perhaps talk about how she was too spry for me, or I was too short or thin for her, soemthing jokey like that. Instead she answered in earnest, to the effect that she doesn't believe in mixing races, and diluting strong black blood--the only way to keep the black strong, I'm told. Well, then. The word "interracial" was then repeated many times, for pedantic value.

I've been oversleeping. Maybe it's the warmth of Joephet's silent form. Maybe it's the last week of the semester and I'm tired of clocking extra hours to no avail. Maybe I'm getting soft. Maybe I need to buy an alarm clock.

Went videogame shopping this afternoon, in what is a cheap habit thanks to buying used, and now will probably just drop by the comic book store, as I can make little progress on the new rooming situation. So it goes.

So today has been better than I thought it would--I managed to steamroll my students this morning into trying to pass, though i overslept this morning by an hour, as I wanted to get in early to get grades done, which was rather depressing in and of itself. The afternoon was worse--the kids are also usually a little rowdier after having a quiz in another class, but I see some students at least turning themselves around, if slowly.

The rest of the day was spent mostly avoiding and then dealing with head-on Neill's failure to pay his rent, so I might be needing a roommate soon.

Other than that, lots of forgotten bits, though the new mother at the local Chinese store did ask what happened to Alric today, and I went on some convoluted explanation of the Upper West Side.

But yeah, my blogging ability is now sorely limited, but it's OK, if it means I see more Joephet.

So I been off my usual routine as far as blogging goes, and in part this is due to the draw of a new used PS2, but also because my internet at home has been mysteriously shut off, hopefully not because Neill has been delinquent on the cable bill as well as the rent. It's the New York rooming nightmare that I've managed to avoid up until now. Well, no. No used sundries lying around. Well, not anyone else's, at least. So Vasiliki has been understandably irate, and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hold her off.

And tomorrow I go back to work, a terrible short week of half-heartedness on my part and the students': I really need the new semester to begin, as everything feels as stale as fresh Camels.

Dinner with Kenneth was long overdue, though he somehow needed a second main dish, for some reason, as I am trying to manage my love handles. He and Joephet are already on the cusp of a new semester, and I envy them for that. Then I trolled about Manhattan browsing Blockbusters for cheap used DVDs, finding Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and actually buying it, though more due to Joephet's desire (and a thwarted would-be date from five months ago) than Stuart Klawan's favorable review.

Exchange with Joephet today:

J: Hillary Clinton is great.
Me: No she's not. She's racist and an opportunist. She said that Gandhi used to run a gas station. This, the greatest Indian leader of the century!
J: I don't see what's so great about Gandhi. He just starved himself. Big deal. I do that all the time!

So it's been a ball, though of course it's not improving my pathetic grasp on ancient Chinese history, bashing other Chinese in yet more yellow-on-yellow violence. On Friday at chess club an opponent tried to take one of his own pieces (which would have been a good move, actually), and I blurted out, "Enough of this black-on-black violence." But yeah.. given that the history class is now on China, I wonder if this is a way to help them learn about this relatively obscure era, important now more for cultural reasons than anything else, I'd bet.

So it's been a slow coupla days, the over-snowing and over-blowing of the wind reducing turnout at school to very low levels, while I been going over to see Joephet at the new customary frequency, while wondering why my PS2 keeps overheating randomly. And so instead I'll have to run out tomorrow and exchange it, or something.

Yesterday I ran off to Century 21 and picked up some overdue bedding, chatting with Thai about how he mysteriously manages to attract so many (not-so-attractive, but at least Asian) suitors. Then it was off to Joephet's before a yaffa-block quest that ended in a Columbian restaurant where I suspect there was more than a little hankypanky going on in the bathroom--apparently, everyone in the area was a faggot, from the prissy-Lat couple who stared at each other, mumbling, to the waiters who were horsing around in the back. Then it was eventually home to snuggle in new circumstances, and to play around and watched DVDs in 30-minute blocks.

So last night I failed to blog, as I made a pitstop after a half-hearted, -assed, day at work at EB and finally picked up a PS2 with a little trepidation but plenty of accessories. After dragging it home for some satisfactory gaming at the expense of internet access, everything was all right, even though the console mysteriously dies after about 10 to 20 minutes. It might just be moisture condensation, but if it's more serious, I'm just getting a new system--it's pretty enough... Then I was straightening out rent issues with my landlord, as Neill has yet to pay his December or January rent, and this is a surprise and annoying to the core. So after a while longer, I checked out and headed over to Joephet's.

Along the way, I chatted mostly with Rob Chin about his job prospects, as he's still vacillating between a chance at studying for ayear in japan and getting a cushy job here in the city. I'm pulling for the latter. Then, it was the usual domestic glory, with a walk to Pathmark in the sparkly powdery snow mostly untouched, in which Joephet was doing all his backspins, salchows, spread-eagles, and so on. Though of course, the flip is what he's good at...

So tomorrow the weather is shitty, and I lost a scarf (not Joephet's nice one) this evening on the way to buy more yogurt, so it'll be commissar hat and neckwarmer tomorrow all the way--you don't compromise frostbite. And it looks like there's a sale at EB tomorrow, so it might be time to finally plop down some cash for homegaming. It's strange, because I remember so many trips on countless weekends to the mall to play the demo systems, with that anxious feeling in my chest I've since so rarely felt, even in dating and such--a real anxiety and excitement and urgency. Ah, well. It'll be different to have that right in my bedroom, though I've done a good job of not overusing the TV now sitting and half-blocking my curtained pseudo-doorway.

So I've been around for a while now, at home, after a blustery-cold day that was not very notable during school hours, though afterwards I did a run around the various Greenpoint branches across Manhattan, but failed to locate one that was open, which I blame on not having internet access to do research, as the new-fangled network at school means I don't have a connection from my classroom for now. But I think I did manage to activate my other ATM card, which means that I have at least groceries. It looks like Chinese tonight for dinner. And of course, on the way home, there were subway delays involving fat people getting wedged in doors and trains not appearing--there were more Q's and R's than at the platform than during the sixth week of math camp....

So I meant for tonight be a relaxing, lazy night, but I find myself bored. I guess there's dinner and TV and sleep: but no--instead I should pick up a pencil and start doodling again--it's been too long, and I can't give up on the comics so easily.

Meanwhile, in that dread extra instructional period today, I had only two students, and so I decided to close the doors and ignore the utter chaos outside. And so we talked about language acquisition, American foreign policy in Africa since Monroe, the subjunctive mood and comparative conjugation, old-ocracy and other forms of authority, and whether or not there are any undiscovered desert islands I knew about ripe for colonization. This was all rather better than being asked during lunch whether or not I'm a white man.

I replied. "Of course not. I'm Mongoloid."

So it has been a hectic day, during which I had to forcibly break up a fight and then mediate it afterwards--two of the covert kids went at it after some words were exchanged about patrimony or buggery or somesuch--they were surprisingly vicious, and then surprisingly cowed and young-boy-brave, and it was somewhat of an adrenaline rush for me, I must say.

Other than that, it was another one of those clock-watching days, which I bet is just the end of a long semester--I really am hoping to be much more energized for the spring term, as this just can't stand. And then after an hour's mediation and such, it was off to Union Square to buy Joephet a random passed-all-your-law-school-classes present and to browse yet more PS2 deals: Forbidden Planet looks like the way to go, with their package deal.

Now it's phone calls to parents, some light lifting, and some light television.

So Joephet wants to be a subsistence farmer, though I don't think he realizes how much corn it takes to make a single chicken. And that's if the chickens are lucky enough not be fed on mad cow pulped brains. I think he just wants to avoid writing his paper, and I hope his professor isn't reading this blog...

So Lostin and I had a nice long chat this morning (late evening for him, I suppose)--he actually sounds happy in Korea, where he can just be--I guess I can't spill too many more beans than that, but it's a pretty encouraging sign, and I keep forgetting how much more time he has in front of him, unlike poor Rob Chin, who must soon graduate, somehow.

I have not been thinking about school very much at all, somehow--it's strange to think how much ambition has been leeched out of me of late, but I suppose it's just a break before the usual Long March, and all that horrid thesis work I will have to soon undertake. So it's not that bad that I'm lazing around a bit more than usual. And at this point, there is a real sense of defeatism which sinks in, and all without the sort of Regents-pressure from last year: it's a kick-back sort of month, in some ways.

It's just amazing, thinking back to freshman year of college, as I was reminded this evening walking with Joephet to pick up his laundry (which he now also drops off, though about once every three months), and the new-fallen grainy snow was being blown around the asphalt like sand--actual sand, Joephet claimed. The last time I'd seen that sort of thing was freshman year, sitting on the second or third floor, looking out onto the Yard, though there were dunes then and it was much more sand-like. But I can't really get a grip on what it was like to be that kid--so much angrier, but with so little reason to be, with so many battles yet ahead, but no less hope. I think I'd be pleased either way, though I still have no idea where another 5 year leap would take me, though of course as a teacher in a high school I force my kids to write these sorts of essays all the time.

So I was watching PBS this afternoon when there's a commercial, in which a middle-aged Japanese man, well-dressed is solemnly intoning, "It is only half an inch long, but it can unlock the secrets of the universe. This is what I do."

Well, he was a physicist, talking about Einstein's famous equation. Sigh. Still, it's not very encouraging, and it hardly helps that Lostin points out that Japanese condoms he finds rather small.

So it was a strange experience, eating with a large group of black folk (who repeatedly said things like, "You can't take colored folk anywhere") in the middle of a Midtown family-style Italian restaurant: there was lots of laughter, quite a bit at my crusty old Chinaman-from-math-camp routine, but I wasn't too amused, just drunk and overfed. The abuse of the waitress was thoroughly uncalled for, and hard to describe: flirtation by abuse seems like something that went out of fashion with slap-sticks and the fifth grade. In any case... that was yesterday, and today has been unproductive but cozy, despite some minor raging, all was well by th etime we'd settled down to watch Michelle Kwan's perfect performance, though Joephet's shrieks at every other sjater's falls were more than a little unnerving. And another dinner that that boy made for me tonight.. I'm really being spoiled here, even though I'm more than willing to earn my keep. Sadly, though, they don't make a figure skating game for PlayStation2... Hrmm...

So I been lazing at home for a couple hours before heading out to the city again to hang out with coworkers for a bday dinner and all that, obsessed on this end by this PS2--it's an unhealthy, childlike thing with no real point, and only negative consequences. It won't help me lose the four or so pounds I appear to have put on recently. And there are still logistical cash problems from my loss of wallet last week. Still, it'll be nice to hang out a little with the girls, as it has been months by now, without even trying.

Umm.. I got grades back from college, and I'm relieved by them, is all--amazing that I'm still good at this coasting business. It's not easy, juggling all this, and next semester will actually be even worse--I will be taking 14 credits, which is pretty close to pushing full-time. Here's to a math class that has very little homework, so I can do the old skip-and-coast routine. Ah, well. Off we go.

So I made it through today without too much of a hitch, bidding farewell today to the spareribs I will no longer have after this week. Little more is notable about my day, other than a few too many meetings, and my intention to buy a PS2, and even withdrawing the right amount of cash, but not having the balls to actually follow through quite yet, instead heading straight to Joephet's to eat with him and Bets at the Japanese restaurant, downing an Asahi and plenty of other little goodies. All pleasant, but suffused throughout with a wondering as to what I should buy for my eventualy console. This is juvenile, yes, but how else will I have a chance to learn all about Chinese history in the Warring States period, if not through Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the like? But I figured it was best to save all that until the weekend, as the last thing I need is further distraction.

So I forgot to mention this: Joephet had an eye exam today, and so he'd been studying all week...

N

So I have to relate this--today an admin told a science teacher that teaching definitions in his class was "bogus" as definitions are the province of English teachers, not science teachers. It's been a drab evening, TV-wise, which would have been better spent a-cuddling with Joephet: Law and Order had a low-class defendant (I've always admired the show for how white the perps tend to be), The O.C. seems like boring (though pecs-parading) hopelessly classed subdrama of the high school ilk, and The Simple Life is tedious and juvenile. It's also strange because I'm not used to seeing so many white people. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

It's hard, I must point out, to play the usual delay-game when a student asks to use the bathroom, but she has a sizable god a-danging from her nostril. There's no category on the Choate recommendation form for nasal cleanliness.

I am realizing today, after reading some webcomics, that I've really left far too much behind--I don't even have a running notebook for scripts and sketches and other idle plottings, and I'm not sure why. Maybe this is just relationship-Drew and that sort of satisfaction which is calmer, and doesn't require artistic-ish fidgeting. But I need to wake up again, as there are so many stories I am losing out on, and I feel better now about prose fiction than I have before.

So I've packed in a nap of about two hours upon coming home, and could use some more. But these naps are dangerous, as they usually mean that I don't get to work out as much as I should. Still, it feels damned good, though I'm still getting used to napping with the TV on. I'm tired because I was up so late last night, devouring Joephet's excellent adobo and garlic rice. Sadly enough, I will soon begin scaling back at the boricua place. It's the only way to make headway on this gut.

Today I survived a surprise observation with a satisfactory rating and no real stress or anything like that. A little annoying, but I'm taking most things in stride. Ah, well. It's off to Joephet's again--losing out on cash has been all right, as it's meant more dinners at home.

So I called it an early day from my responsibilities, having mailed off the last of my work for school, and am now blogging via stickies at Joephet's, having watched some Gilmore Girls and drunken one of Joephet's mini-Presidentes (which is a DR beer, FYI), and now all ready to go and get the last fixin's for chicken adobo. It's been the sort of phone-it-in sort of week, I'm afraid, and I have been hankering after that PS2 still, as it's some sort of childhood wish-fulfillment.

I have been much enjoying my vacation from classes in Brooklyn, coming home early and feeling like I can exist without vibrations and overfat seatmates, though I find it very difficult to fall asleep alone, even on the subway, without my Loquashas, Cedrics, Osquins, and Darnells.

So I have finally been winding down the interview work I've been putting off for all of vacation, knowing well that I would only be able to get this stuff done when back in the flow. That's consumed most of my evening, beyond some TV--Castaway and Average Joe Hawaii, thoroughly amused by Phuc, and missing Alric badly, given that the beauty's name is Clarissa. But I have no idea how to reconcile with him, given our respective versions of masculine pride. Otherwise, I've done no prep for school tomorrow, basking instead in the waiting for Joephet to arrive.

And arrive he did, in "lesbian librarian" glasses which make him cuter than a button. Sigh. Who thought January could be fun?

So I've lost one thing to regain another--blogger lost yet another post, but my wallet resurfaced in my mailbox, via the mail, today, after I already spent an hour and $8 getting a replacement ID, with replacements on the way for most everything as well. Everything important is there, except for the cash, though not the emergency $20 (which is old-school Jackson), and I am grateful, even if it was lifted from me--I don't quite care.

I'm just back from school, and it was familiar enough--all the same old faces, all the same old beefs, and inadequacies, both on my part and the students; and that's what home is, though everything feels a little fresher, from the new-waxed floors to the newly-installed "rotisserie" lights, which in their odd fluorescence lends everything a jaundiced tint. Well, everything but me.

So it's here, almost, at least, the school drudge once more, though I find myself missing being that important, and some of the kids, the easy interplay, and the sense of purpose, to say nothing of the food and the counterboi at the boricua place. Of course, the counterboi is off-limits these days, and probably always was. Dunno what else to say, or what even to teach tomorrow, as I've done no grading or work over break in the least, my version of a vacation, even as we already begin to plan what we'll do with the next one, in February: I just feel useless compared to freshman year, when I produced a final edit of an essay, a dictionary, a compilation, and was stranded in Toronto overnight: perhaps it's a good thing my old computer died, as I suspect in many ways I'd feel like a lazy slouch when compared to my younger, more energetic incarnation.

I must also give more thought to my vacations, as Red China is more of an option now that my parents are headed that a-ways. But part of my just wants to run off to New Hampshire to Skarren Hardy's farm, though I've never actually met her, and milk some cows, mend some rail fences, and shuck some corn.

So I been tracking down various proofs of identity so that I can get a new New York State non-Driver ID, so that I can get a new bank ATM card, so that I can get money again. I need six points of identity, so I picture myself rolling into the Harlem office tomorrow with a gaggle of students in tow... Ah, well.. At least that's taken care of by my periodic cleansings of my wallet, though much is still gone.

I've wasted another day, sleeping fitfully after passing out last night. I dreamt of many things, including berating an old college math professor about the futility of the profession, and something else suitably angsty. That and more comics reading, but little preparation for tomorrow, as that's another world, and I need to say goodbye to this one. It's difficult, thinking about where I was a year ago--I'm really not all that sure where I was mentally, though I think I was much more horndog than I am this year: I'm much happier now on that count, and consequently more focused on my other duties and such. This just hasn't been a good break for getting my bearings as a teacher, or as an artist, or as a leftist, or as anything other than with Joephet. And so it's been well-spent.

So I've been incredibly lazy, going through Lone Wolf and Cub again, methodically, and gorging myself with D this evening, after a morning and early afternoon obsessively reading about cannibals on the internet, I discovered that someone's cut my cable, meaning that I have this new TV but no way of getting a picture, which is tragic, as my funds are short now and I don't know if I want to even spring for an antenna. Sadly, Joephet was called away to Long Island, and so I'm left to my own devices, which makes me wonder what I used to do before I met him. And then I remember, and it's not pleasant: this is a much better, healthier life, even if I complain a little more than I should. I guess this streak of setbacks has started to make me feel as Joephet's been calling me... "useless"...

So it's winding down, this break, and while I have proudly accomplished nothing, I feel a whole lot better, even though I suspect that the relative inactivity has added to my waistline in an untoward way, which is not something to worry about too much, as I'll probably just worry it off within a week. In some ways, there's just so little to report, as it's all in gestures and handwavings these days, Joephet's, and so very little anger, which might also just be the unseasonably nice weather.

So it started out so well--two bros in the city, shopping, making fun of white people and the parents, finding matching sneakers and other nice bargains on clothes, consuming sticky rice and various styles of steamed shrimp, the gay brother checking out the guys checking out the straight brother in the village, giving warnings about Chelsea that weren't quite gotten, and so on--and then my wallet, my fancy Joephet-given Kenneth Cole wallet goes missing and of a sudden the whole tone changes. Not real dread, but just sad. Ah, well. As Joephet points out, though, it's all replaceable, and it's probably not a bad thing to be supercheap as the new year starts.

Errol got some tonight--as my bro and I were coming home, I saw Errol scurrying out in the way he does only when he's meeting up with some guy. So I rushed my brother out, and we only ran into Errol and his beau on the backsteps, and nothing was given away.

Yesterday I ambled and rambled with Kean, who was temporarily locked out of his friends', all over Manhattan, though I suspect he wasn't quite having a great time, but there was little I can do for him--New Years' Day just isn't an open sort of day, while Kenneth was rather busy with his friends, neither of them terribly attractive, I'm afraid. It was sad to have to let Kean go--New York is tough to visit unless you have lots of capital and time. I hope things go well for him upon his homecoming.

Oh, yes. It seems more and more likely that my parents are going to Red China. This would be strange, but liberating, in some ways...

So I had quite some minor adventures today--dinner with Raj in Chinatown, while all the same time wondering how things were going between Thai and Shoelace (it was all right, I'm told), not far away in Chinatown, and then it was off, on foot, in the not-too-cold, but also not-too-crisp night air to Diana-bar, where I promptly got drunk and then silly on Mexican food, and there I passed midnight, trying hard to miss Joephet too much all throughout, and sadly failing. Then it was off on foot to the Web, where after some waiting around (rather than the $20 cover), I picked up Kean, who'd been abandoned by his purported hosts, at least temporarily. And so we made our way back here and loudly pumped up an airmattress for him to crash on for tonight, and I'm sober again. I think tomorrow I'm going to buy a PS2 for Joephet and my entertainment. But that's probably a baaaaad idea.